Spending Money
A Look at the Differences Between the Sexes

Those of us who are married know that one of the most intriguing parts about the union isn't the companionship, the working out of bathroom habits, the growing to know each other intimately; it's the money. In many cases, marriages, even those that come together after long courtships or even extended periods of cohabitation are often fraught with potential financial pitfalls.

Back in December, I wrote a piece that discussed the possibility that most Christmas budgets were destined to fail because of financial infidelity. What I suggested at the time was a budget that allowed each partner some cash that was separate from the regular Christmas budget. While many of the readers wrote and agreed with the situation, most failed to see the wisdom in an adult allowance.

Often, we enter into a marriage with great expectations and some serious financial secrets. Some of those untold truths about how we handle money can cause some serious problems later on down the road. Marriages, on the surface may appear just fine, but beneath the calm exterior, the finanical sovency is being threatented.

The money secrets we hold from each other and the clever ways we disguise those forays can undermine a good marriage. Men can justify expensive toys or hide the secrets of their day trading from their spouses. Women can use shopping for groceries, buying clothes for the kids, or simply hiding receipts to skim money from the budget.

Married couples use all sorts of ploys to make the other partner feel guilty, justify their spending because they have needs that just aren't being met, or have a feeling that rewarding oneself for a good deed requires spending money. In the end, both have to face the facts and pay the bills.

This can create some serious issues when the spouse of a secret spender suddenly realizes that their credit scores have been damaged and the collection agency is knocking at the door.

You have to give creditors their due, they have been very accommodating to these types of people. Some businesses disguise the names of their companies to fend off any suspicions of spending outside the normal charges. Some folks have bought gift cards with cash to hide the actual amount they have in their purses or wallets, written checks for cash back or otherwise been able to justify their spending when one spouse shows little interest in the household books. This kind of financial skimming effects both partners. But there are some simple solutions that can bring your finances back in line.

Here are three suggestions to keep you from becoming a money launderer:

Give yourself an allowance Although this sounds childish, understanding that marriage is a joint effort that comes with shared goals should make it easier to receive a monthly stipend. It can be as l little as $20 a week to as much as $500 a month. Spending, studies have shown, can be liberating for some and even healthy in some instances.

Arrange a budget summit Find a day that works best for each of you or put someone in charge of posting financial reminders. In many marriages, one spouse or the other is more adept at the finances. In my house, it is my wife. Weekly, she will give me an update on how much is left in the budget for groceries and expenditures. This is called an "open to buy" list and is used by major companies for their inventory managers. Whatever is left over at the end of the month can be divvied up by the two of us and spent anyway we choose or we can plow it into next month's budget.

Talk about each other's buying habits In my family, I tend to buy the big toys while my wife nickel and dimes her spending. Either way, knowing when spending is okay and when it is not creates a feeling of trust that will trickle down into other facets of the marriage.